Lowered Standards

I had a conversation with a super cool married friend of mine this morning who was laughing about all of the dates from Hell that I've experienced that truly are for the record books. I'm sure there are tons of these stories out there, but to me, it never ceases to amaze me about the stupidity, cluelessness, thoughtlessness and sheer rudeness that's out there in the singles world.

Recounting the date was something that in retrospect, proved quite healthy to me in order to provide some insight on the situation. I mean, you don't get feedback after a date. And I was beginning to wonder, should I choose to personalize this or is it them?

Lionel, a relatively handsome man in his late '50's is a novelist and public relations director for a major cable television station who I met on an internet dating site. He's divorced and has a 19 year old child. In a former life, he worked in the film business and still to this day gets free movie passes.


Last time I checked, a man is supposed to attempt to try to impress a woman if he is sincerely interested. Since I made it to second base,i.e., date #2, I assumed that he had a nice evening planned -- a movie screening in midtown and dinner at a charming restaurant.

I tell my married friend that I met him at the movie screening in Midtown. It was the new Tom Ford movie, "A Single Man", that focuses in on the life of a gay English professor living in Southern California in the 1960's. The movie opens with a scene of someone dying in an automobile accident in a snowy setting. As the movie progresses, we come to learn early on that it was the professor's lover/partner that died in the crash and that his lover's family refuses to let the professor attend the funeral. Throughout the movie, the professor attempts to commit suicide and can't bring himself to it. Let me tell you -- the movie was 2.5 hours long or at least it felt that it was 2.5 hours too long. It was so depressing that I wanted to slit my wrists. I wanted to walk out of the movie, which I rarely do. My date Lionel mentioned that he takes these movie screenings seriously so walking out was not a possibility.

After 2.5 hours of sheer depressing torture with nothing redeeming or hopeful in the movie plot, Lionel says that instead of going to the charming Argentine/Italian restaurant he planned on taking me to, we should go for Japanese food around the corner. We walk around the corner and he shows me a hole in the wall restaurant in the middle of Times Square....a restaurant that is lit up with florescent lighting and has a plastic menu of Udon noodle soups in the window -- something that you'd see in a touristy area in Tokyo. The only thing that was missing was the plastic sculptures of the food in the window. I said to him very politely, do you think we can go to a place with a bit more ambiance? I mean, the place has florescent lighting and no sushi! He says, "Sure" and we move on to the other restaurant. I then proceed to ask him "What were you thinking...I mean, florescent lights, plastic menu in window...all that was missing was the plastic food in the window." Lionel tells me blankly, "I guess I wasn't"

We proceed to the original agreed upon restaurant and as soon as we are seated, Lionel proceeds to knock over the bud vase, spilling water all over the table. In the back of my mind I'm thinking this guy is a complete mess. His incisor tooth which juts out of his bite ever so slightly really begins to get on my nerves. I'm thinking, there's something wrong with this guy. Something is not right about this picture, but he's nice...so have a good time. We order dinner, have a pleasant enough conversation and we leave.

I usually don't take subways at night and told this to Lionel during one of the several telephone conversations I've had with him. They are filled with scummy people from 3rd world countries and their various germs. It is a recession though. So when Lionel said we'd take the subway back to our neck of the woods together, I agreed. What I didn't count on what getting stuck for 45 minutes on a crowded train with these people and my date. All Lionel kept doing was complain about the particular train line we took and how much he hates it. I told him that's why I prefer to take cabs in the evening, but we're here so we need to deal. I kept focusing on his teeth.

I don't know about anyone who is reading this blog, but getting stuck on a NYC subway is akin to getting stuck on a crowded elevator with someone who has bad breath. While Lionel didn't have bad breath, he had that incisor tooth that seemed to grow larger by the minute and stick out of his mouth more and more as the night wore on. I couldn't wait to get off the train and leave my snaggle toothed date!!

As the train approached my station, Lionel asked me if I blamed him for the bad movie. I said, "Absolutely not". The train rolled into my station, he gave me a peck on the cheek and said he would call me over the weekend.

I came home and wondered...should I give this guy a chance? What if he calls me...what should I do? I asked my girlfriends the next day. A divorced fashion executive friend of mine said, "Absolutely not!! A girl has to have standards." I pondered that concept and agreed.

Then, I told a married friend about the story and she laughed. She said facetiously, "I lowered my standards and have been happy ever since....that's when I met my husband!"